


Someone To Watch Over Me

by HarveyTwoFaceDent (rhps_brad_fan)



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Parallel Universes, Some Humor, mentions of Kochanski, mentions of McGruder, mentions of Simulants, set after xi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:38:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8972341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhps_brad_fan/pseuds/HarveyTwoFaceDent
Summary: The boys from the Dwarf come across a stranded young woman from a parallel universe. Maybe Rimmer's luck is turning around after all...





	1. Seek and Ye Shall Find

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Red Dwarf nor the characters. The title is a reference to the song "Someone To Watch Over Me", which I also do not own, but I can sing the hell out of it.

“There’s something on the psi-scan, Sirs! It appears that there is indeed a lifeform on this ship after all.”

The ship in question was another derelict that they’d come across – an abandoned Simulant ship that was sure to be stocked to the gills with food and other supplies. It wasn’t as though they really _needed_ too much of anything since the nanobots had recreated the ship, but as they’d gotten closer, they had picked up a faint distress signal coming from somewhere inside the vessel. It didn’t seem to be originating from it, however. Whatever was generating the signal was likely on board. They’d taken out Starbug and docked in one of the many landing bays, much to Rimmer’s chagrin.

“I still say this is a trap,” Rimmer said, hands clutching his bazookoid as the foursome cautiously walked through the ship. “There’s probably some simulant just waiting in the wings to take us all out. Either that or aliens.”

“It’s always aliens with you, Rimmer,” Lister commented. The Scouser was also wielding a bazookoid, but he seemed a little less jumpy with it than Rimmer. “How many times has it ever been aliens? None.”

“The lifeform appears to be human, Sirs, and I believe it’s this way,” Kryten declared after consulting the psi-scan again. He began to lead the way down another hallway

“Human...” Lister mused softly, picking up the pace. “Guys, it could be Kris! She could be in trouble!”

Cat sniffed around. “I’m not smelling Bud-Babe anywhere around here,” He informed them. His nose was never wrong.

They came across another set of landing bays and this one held a Starbug as well. Lister pointed it out, practically jumping up and down at the sight.

“Look! That must be where the distress signal originated from! It’s Kris! It has to be Kris!”

“You’re forgetting one vital piece of information, Listy. When Kochanski legged it, Kryten said she took a Blue Midget – not one of the Starbugs.” It was just like Rimmer to try to bring Lister’s ever hopeful optimism back to a screeching halt.

“Unfortunately, Mr. Rimmer is right, Sir,” Kryten told him apologetically.

“Uh… Buds...” Cat began, staring up at the green vessel. “Didn’t _we_ come in on Starbug 1?” Sure enough, as they all looked to the ship and noticed that the number was printed on the side of this Starbug as well.

“So it’s Lister on the ship then? A future Lister?” Rimmer deduced, seeing as how he was the last human. “Or an alternate version? That’s _just_ what we need.”

“Shut the smeg up, will ya?” Lister asked of him. “It’s not me. What makes you think it could be me?”

“You’re the only one left, Listy!” Rimmer was gloating. Oh, how he loved to gloat. “It’s just like you to get yourself captured and leave us to come to your rescue.” He was practically bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, enjoying every moment of it.

“It sounds exactly like _you_ ,” Lister corrected him. “How many times have you gone and gotten yourself kidnapped?”

“It wasn’t _my_ fault!” He indignantly insisted, the smug grin gone from his features. “It wasn’t ever my fault!” That definitely wasn’t true.

“Sirs!” Kryten interrupted. “I must insist that we keep going. The life signs are not coming from this Starbug, but further down the corridor. I believe that these rooms up ahead are the torture rooms,” Kryten helpfully supplied, but the others didn’t seem so eager about the sound of that. Still, the four carried on, leaving this other Starbug to be explored later.

“All of these are torture rooms? Smeg...” Lister said, looking down the corridor. There were about a dozen different doors in the hallway, all with metal doors.

Kryten led the way to the room the psi-scan detected was occupied. He looked through the slot on the metal door and saw the outline of a brunette woman slumped against a wall, her leg chained at the ankle with a heavy chain, allowing her no more than a few feet of movement around the cell. There was a toilet, a sink, and a barren cot and not much else to be found in the room. “Sirs! It appears to be a female!”

Lister practically pushed him out of the way and aimed his bazookoid at the door to blast it open. “Everybody stand clear!” He ordered. It had to be Kochanski.

“Wait!” Rimmer shouted. “Try the smegging door first you gimboid.” He knew it would do none of them any good to save the woman by blasting her to bits along with the metal door. He reached over and pulled it open, using some force, since it was quite heavy. “Kryten, help me,” He ordered the mechanoid, who obliged, helping him pull it open.

Lister was the first one in, rushing over to the woman’s side. He looked at her, finally able to see her face. “It’s not Krissy,” He said, both with a mix of defeat and relief. As much as he wanted to see her again, he certainly wouldn’t have wished it this way. The young woman looked far too thin, like she’d been there a while alone or that someone had been starving her intentionally. “Someone come and help me get her free,” He called out.

Kryten and Rimmer were the first ones over to help, with Cat standing as the lookout, just in case a simulant had decided to come back. He had his bazookoid in hand.

“Smeg! Would you look at this,” Lister said, pointing to her tattered khaki uniform. It was JMC standard issue. Still, that wasn’t what caught his eye. It was the embroidered name patch near the pocket. It read Rimmer. “Looks like it wasn’t _me_ after all,” Lister told Rimmer, who paled a little at the sight.

The young woman stirred a little as the dwarfers helped her up after getting her freed from the chains. She opened her eyes and she leaned heavily on the hard light hologram next to her. “Arnie?” She softly asked, her voice hoarse from disuse. “Is that you?”

“ _Arnie_?” Lister repeated, hardly able to believe it. So maybe she wasn’t an alternate version of Rimmer, but who _was_ she?

“We must get her back to the ship. She needs medical attention,” Kryten reminded them.

Rimmer put an arm around her, keeping her steady and upright. Her arm went around his waist, staying closer to him than any of the others. It was a bit uncomfortable, but what else could he do? He and the others helped her back the way they came towards the landing bay where they’d first arrived.

“We have to get Starbug,” She insisted. “Please Arnie, we can’t leave it behind.” She was semi-coherent enough to know that they were leaving.

Rimmer looked helplessly around to the others. He was truly at a loss for words, something that rarely happened. They would have all savored the moment if it weren’t for the situation they found themselves in.

Lister sighed. “We could use a spare around since all the others got knicked,” He mentioned. “Cat, you and Krytes go see if it’s functional,” He instructed them. “We’ll follow you out.” It was obvious that the young woman wasn’t letting go of Rimmer anytime soon, clinging to him like her last lifeline. Lister had to admit, his bunkmate was handling the situation a lot better than he had expected, considering his experience, or rather, lack there of with women. Still, Lister did his best to help him out.

The pair got the young woman back to Starbug despite the fact that she was going in and out of consciousness. It was more well lit inside their craft and they could finally see the extent of her injuries. Fading bruises littered the parts of her skin that were visible and there were a few cuts as well. They shone stark against her pale skin. She also looked gaunt, as though the simulants had left her for quite a while alone and chained to that wall.

“Lister,” Rimmer said, drawing attention to the injuries. He was practically carrying her himself since she was still clinging to him despite being out cold. “I’m getting her to medical.” There was a small medi-bay on board Starbug that would have to suffice until they made it back to Red Dwarf.

“Go on, man,” Lister encouraged. “I’ve got it here.” He was able to make contact with Cat and Kryten aboard the other Starbug and after getting the all clear, they went one after the other back to Red Dwarf. They docked their respective Starbugs and joined each other in the landing bay. Kryten quickly made his way on board their Starbug to assist Rimmer with the young lady’s care. Cat exited the new Starbug after him and met Lister in the landing bay.

“Hey, Bud! You’ll never guess who we found on board!” Cat enthused, handing him a watch he’d found. Holly – the blonde female version – was on the watch face.

“Dave? Is that you?” The AI asked. “Were you able to find Rachel?”

“Her name’s Rachel? _Rachel Rimmer_? Like Rimmer’s inflatable doll?” He asked incredulously.

“Gordon Bennett! You don’t know who she is? I was afraid of this,” Holly admitted to him.

“Afraid of what?”

“You’re not our Dave. This isn’t our universe, is it?” The AI realized. “Should have known when you looked so much older. Just thought maybe it was the lighting in here, but no. Is Arnold alive?”

“He’s a hologram. Our version of you brought him back when I got out of stasis years ago after the radiation leak,” He admitted.

“Smeg. Can you upload me to the mainframe? Let me link up with your version of me?”

“That’s the thing, Hol. The skutters are still drying him out. Nearly drowned him,” He admitted almost sheepishly.

“You _what_?”

“I didn’t _mean_ to leave me bath running for nine years,” He said apologetically. “It just sort of… _happened_.”

Holly rolled her eyes. “I’ll just have to work here for now then,” She decided. There really wasn’t any other way.

Rimmer was still standing by the young woman’s bedside when Kryten entered. “Sir, there’s something on the other vessel you must see. Allow me to carry the young woman to the medi-bay.”

“She seemed pretty insistent I stay,” He mentioned, sounding a bit unsure as he glanced down to her.

“Sir, I must insist you look in the other Starbug,” Kryten told him.

With a sigh and one more glance towards the woman, he left. As he was heading towards the other ship, Lister caught his eye.

“Whatcha doin, man?”

“If you must know, Kryten said there’s something on board that I need to have a look at,” Rimmer told him.

“They found a version of Holly,” Lister admitted, showing him the watch.

“Arn!” She said, seeming happy to see him. “How is Rachel?”

Rimmer looked flustered for a moment as his nostrils flared and his cheeks reddened. How dare the first thing that senile computer asked about be his inflatable doll?

“Calm yourself,” Lister told him, seeing riled his bunkmate was getting. “That’s the woman’s name,” He said.

“The one we found? Her name is Rachel Rimmer?” His anger had quickly dissipated into confusion.

“Let’s just see what’s on her ship,” Lister suggested, leading the way.

Rimmer was the first to spot the box in the corner once they were on board. Dark camphor wood contrasted against the metal interior of the ship. “My chest! Why does she have my chest?” He rushed over to it and pulled it away from the wall, seeing that it was complete. There was no guitar sized hole in this one. He lifted the lid. “It’s here… it’s all here...” His books, his Napoleon figurines, his stash of dollarpounds, everything that Lister had burned was all there.

“What’s this then?” Lister asked, reaching into the trunk. He pulled out a framed picture that he didn’t remember seeing years ago. The photo was of Rimmer and the woman they rescued. He looked to be over twenty years younger in the photo – about the age of the woman they’d found. The pair looked happy and they had their arms around one another.

Rimmer stared at the photo in Lister’s hands, studying it. It certainly _looked_ like him, but the younger version of himself in the photo looked happy, content even. Arnold J. Rimmer couldn’t remember a time when he seemed so carefree or when he looked so comfortable around a woman.

“She doesn’t look much older than this photo now,” Lister said to him, pulling him away from his thoughts. “Say, ya don’t think she’s the human version of your blow up doll, do ya?”

“Well, I _didn’t_...” Rimmer muttered with a frown. Still, stranger things had happened to them over the years.

Lister seemed to contemplate it for a moment as he looked down at the photograph. " _Nahhh..._ She can't be your blowup doll," He stated with an air of certainty. "She's not old enough."

Rimmer looked back down to the trunk and moved a few more things aside, ignoring LIster's joke. There were some things there that even he didn’t recognize. “These must be hers...” There were a few trinkets, books, and a small jewelry box scattered there in the chest along with his things. Without warning, he snatched the photo from Lister and put it back inside the chest, shutting the lid on it. “We shouldn’t be going through her things,” He seemed to have decided. “Let’s gather this and anything else we think she might need and get it back to the sleeping quarters. She’s going to have to stay here a while.”

Lister gave a nod and didn’t say anything. He’d known Rimmer for years, but he couldn’t quite get a read on him like he normally did. Still, he helped him without complaint, gathering a few of the woman’s possessions with Holly’s guidance. The pair of them carried the trunk back to the living quarters, leaving it in one of the empty rooms at Rimmer’s insistence.


	2. Where Is The Shepherd For This Lost Lamb?

It was the next day before the young woman known to them as Rachel Rimmer was awake and able to talk to them. The boys from the Dwarf assembled in the medibay to check in on her. She was already up and had taken a shower, thankful that one of them had been thoughtful enough to have laundered some of her clothes and left them there for her. 

Arnold stood at attention and gave her the proper salute, knowing she was a superior, even if she was one from another universe. Lister raised his hand in a small wave after Rimmer had finished.

“Ms. Rimmer,” Kryten addressed her. “My name is Kryten and I’m a 4000 series mechanoid,” He introduced himself. “This is Mr. Lister--” 

“Actually, I know Dave and Arnie,” Rachel admitted to them. Her eyes had lit up when she’d seen the pair – despite the fact that they were older than she’d remembered. 

“And I’m Cat. Y’owwww!” He did a slick little twirl. 

“It’s very nice to meet you,” She said, looking rather amused. 

“If you’re married to a version of goal-post head, you have my condolences,” He told her as Rimmer rolled his eyes.

“A version?” She looked confused. 

“We don’t actually know you,” Rimmer told her honestly. “You must be from a parallel dimension,” He told her. 

“Arnie, don’t be daft. You know me. We met on November 25. You had been invited to the Captain’s table and I was seated next to you. They served gazpacho soup and--” 

“I’m very certain I would remember you from that day,” Rimmer said uncomfortably as he cut her off. He didn’t want to talk about gazpacho soup. He never wanted to speak of it again. It was one of the worst days of his life.

“You sent it back,” Rachel continued on. It seemed like she was pretty used to being interrupted by him. “You insisted to the chef that your soup was cold and you wanted it hot. The others at the table began to laugh, but I sent mine back as well,” She admitted to him. 

“What? Out of pity?” Rimmer scoffed. 

“No, of course not! I thought you were cute,” She admitted with a bit of a blush. “And it managed to shut the others right up about the whole thing.” 

“That’s not how it happened here. You weren’t there at all. Who are you?” He asked her seriously, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’m JMC Chief Financial Officer Rachel Rimmer. Before we were married, my name was Rachel Jensen,” She explained. 

Kryten went over to one of the computers and typed in a few things. 

“Sirs! Ma’am! There _was_ a Rachel Jensen on board Red Dwarf,” He said just as Rimmer pushed his way over to look at the screen.

“She died. October 3rd,” Rimmer said with a frown. “She died before I could meet her.”

“ _Jensen!_ She was one of Kochanski’s best mates!” Lister realized. “I never met her, but she told me about her once.” 

“That’s just my luck,” Rimmer continued. “The woman I was destined to marry was on the ship, but she died before I could even meet her! And she’s an _officer_!” He lamented. “That’s just typical. No breaks for good old Arnie J!” 

“ _You?_ I’m the one that _died_ ,” Rachel grumbled before glancing over to him. After a moment, she smiled though. “You know, I’ve really missed you whinging on like that.” 

Rimmer looked indignant. “I do not whinge!” 

“You whinge all the time,” Lister chimed in and the others nodded.

“He does. It’s rather cute,” Rachel said and that seemed to shut him up for a moment. 

“What were you doing on that simulant ship?” Lister asked her curiously, not touching that ‘cute’ comment with a ten foot pole. He wasn’t going to do anything that would encourage Rimmer’s whinging. 

“Getting tortured, mostly,” She replied flatly. 

“Ma’am, he means--”

“I know what he means. Starbug was pulled through a… Well, I’m not quite sure _what_ it was to be honest,” She explained. “Holly didn’t know where we were once we were on the other side of it. The simulants made contact with me shortly thereafter. I had never heard of them and neither had Holly. We thought they were friendly droids inviting us to dock to restock our supplies. I lost count of how long they had me,” She admitted. 

“Do you know why they left?” Lister asked her. He was concerned about whether or not they’d be able to get away without drawing their attention. 

Rachel shook her head. “I’m not certain. I gathered that their ranks had recently been lowered. When they first captured me, they kept questioning me about someone named Ace who had apparently wronged them. I tried to tell them I didn’t know any Ace and they had to be mistaken, but that only seemed to anger them further. They thought I was withholding information from them, so they kept me alive.” 

The four men looked at each other, silently wondering who had to tell her. Lister shared a look with Rimmer, wondering if he knew anything about it. He could tell that the other man was already upset over the mention of Ace Rimmer.

“Ace? That goit is the reason why they hurt you like this?” Rimmer was far more angry that he was somehow involved in all this. His nostrils flared something fierce and he balled his hand up into a fist at his side, digging his nails into the palm of his hand. 

“I think they were going to hurt me either way. They seemed rather unhinged. Do you lot know this Ace fellow?” She questioned.

“We know that he’s a complete and utter gimboid,” Rimmer said bitterly. 

“Hey non-Bud, just because Ace is--” 

“Cat,” Lister cut off what was sure to be a far too revealing rant. “Let it go.” 

“Arnie, it’s alright,” Rachel assured him. “You lot found me. You all saved me.” 

“Actually, Ma’am, Mr. Rimmer didn’t want to visit the ship at all,” Kryten unhelpfully supplied. 

“Kryten!” Rimmer warned with a glare. 

“But Sir! You said we should just keep going and ignore the distress signal. I believe your exact words were--”

“ _Kryten!_ ” 

Rachel got up and crossed over to Rimmer. She reached out to touch him, but then hesitated. “I forgot you’re a hologram,” She admitted sheepishly. She’d been so out of it before that she couldn’t properly remember her rescue and how much she’d leaned upon him. 

That surprised him. Was she… _afraid_? Then it dawned on him. “I’m hard light,” He explained, the argument with Kryten forgotten for the moment. He reached out and gently touched her arm. 

“We didn’t have that kind of technology,” She marveled, staring at his hand touching her. His hand felt incredibly real. That was what broke her. She felt tears welling up and before either of them could say anything else, she had wrapped her arms around him. She felt the warmth radiating from his lightbee, giving him the same temperature as a normal human being. She felt the simulated heartbeat as she leaned against him. If it weren’t for the H on his forehead, she wouldn’t have known the difference. 

For his part, Rimmer looked slightly uncomfortable and didn’t quite know what to do with a crying woman against him. He glanced wide eyed to the others. Lister made a motion, hoping to encourage him to put his arms around her to comfort her. Slowly, Rimmer got the message, finally reaching up and putting one hand on her back as if to say ‘there there’ with a few pats. Lister shook his head and motioned for the others to follow him out to give the pair privacy. Rimmer didn’t want the others to go, but what could he say?

“I’m sorry,” Rachel apologized to him with a sniffle after she was all cried out. Her chest ached that familiar hollow pain of loss. She was still mourning him. “I’m so sorry, I just… you’re so _real_. I never thought I’d be this close to you again… even if you’re not my Arnie,” She said to him. “You even smell like him.” 

He looked down at her for a moment. No one had ever cried over him like that before. He didn’t think anyone had ever cared that much to be bothered to. Part of him couldn’t believe that she cared that much about him either. She was a beautiful young woman, after all… not to mention an officer. And what was he? A long dead chicken soup machine repairman cut down before his prime. Surely _her_ Arnold had to be better somehow and she’d come to find that he was just a massive disappointment in the end. That was just his luck. She was still looking up at him with those teary doe eyes and what was he to say? He cleared his throat. 

“Yes… well. Same soap, I suppose,” He said to her. “Perhaps it might be best if you got some more rest. Or would you rather I sent Kryten in with some food?” He asked her and she shook her head. 

“I’d rather you show me around the ship,” She suggested to him hopefully as she wiped away a few tears from her cheeks. “It looks a bit different than what I can recall.” 

“Are you certain you’re up to it?” He looked her over. She still looked like hell from what the simulants had put her through. 

“Yes, I’m sure. Perhaps we could just go to the living quarters?” 

“Ah… yes, of course.” _Now_ he got the memo. She just didn’t want to be in the medibay any longer than she had to be. He couldn’t blame her, of course. He’d spent enough hours there himself. He offered her his arm and she gladly accepted, still leaning on him a bit. He knew to walk slowly with her, knowing that she was still healing. They made it to the room he and Lister had deposited the wooden chest in. “I hope this will be to your liking, Ma’am. Should you need us, Lister and I are only a couple doors down,” He explained. He stood at attention and gave her the customary salute, figuring that she’d want time to herself. 

Rachel had to laugh a little at that despite herself. It warmed her heart to see him just as he was, doing that silly salute he insisted upon doing when in the presence of any senior officer. “You don’t have to do that, Arnie.” 

“Do what?” He asked, seeming a little offended that she laughed at him. 

“I’m not your superior officer, Arn. Not here. You don’t have to salute me. And don’t call me Ma’am. I’m Rachel. Just Rachel, understood? Now, would you come in and sit with me for a while?” She requested.

“Is that an order?” Rimmer asked her, still incensed from what he thought was her making fun of him.

“Of course not,” She glanced into the room and saw that her things had been brought from Starbug. It didn’t go unnoticed that the framed photo of her and her husband from the chest had been placed on the table to be displayed for her. “I just thought it might be nice to hear about your life,” She admitted. “Or if you have any questions for me. If you’re busy, I understand,” She quickly added, unsure if he even wanted to spend time with her. 

He seemed to think about that for a moment before finally following her into the room. It was similar to Lister and Rimmer’s own quarters but instead of bunk beds, there was a single bed inside, but large enough for two. They thought that she might do well with the space while she recovered. 

Rachel sat down on the edge of the bed while Rimmer was headed towards one of the other seats in the room. 

“You don’t have to be so far away, you know. I swear I’m not going to jump you or anything,” She told him. “Unless you want me to,” She added with a little smirk. 

He chose to stand instead. “You know I’m not him,” He said, motioning to the photograph on the table of the happy couple. “He looks like I did, but that’s where the similarities end, I’m sure. I’ll bet he was more than just a second technician.” 

“He wasn’t, actually. He could never pass his atronavs. He tried. My _god_ , did he try. We used to stay up and I’d help him revise. The last time, he did manage to write down a few answers before he passed out,” She admitted with a fond smile, remembering just how much trouble he’d had. 

“And that embarrassed you, did it?” He presumed, looking smug that he’d figured out the meaning behind that smile. However, she looked quite hurt at the accusation. 

“Not in the slightest. I was proud,” She told him. 

“ _Proud_?” He spat out the word as if it were poison on his tongue. No one had ever been proud of him before. 

“Quite proud,” She said certainly. 

“Then there must have been something else. He must have been… better somehow.” 

“Honestly, a lot of people thought he was a complete smeghead… but he was _my_ smeghead,” She admitted with a sad smile. She glanced up at the hologram pacing the floor, grasping for some excuse as to why he and her husband were different. “It took a lot of convincing for him to trust me too,” She told him. “In the beginning, I think he thought it was just some sort of wind up… that I was just using him for a laugh. He’d been hurt by that trollop Yvonne McGruder before--”

“Yvonne McGruder? You don’t like Yvonne McGruder?” He asked her, a little surprised at that. 

“Arnie really fancied her. They had slept together and she went around telling everyone she had been concussed at the time. Even had one of her friends in medical fake a few papers. It was disgusting. I nearly came to blows with her over it, but she was the ship’s boxing champion. I think she would have wiped the floor with me, but it might’ve been worth it. Arn wouldn’t let me though,” She admitted. “Yvonne always had to rub it in my face that she’d been with him first. I never thought she was very pleasant to be around, but after I started dating Arnie, she was awful.” 

“You were willing to fight Yvonne McGruder… _for me_?” He asked her, still dumbfounded at the mere thought of it. He’d never had women fighting over him before. 

“Well, yes, but my Arnie stopped me before anything happened. He was right. I probably would have ended up looking like this,” She said, gesturing to her still healing body and the bruises that littered her skin. The vitamin boosters Kryten had given her in the medibay had helped a bit, but there was no magical cure. It would just take time. She yawned involuntarily, her tiredness betraying her. 

“You should get some rest,” Rimmer told her, heading towards the door again. 

“Please don’t go?” She asked him, sounding a little desperate and he turned to face her. “I know you aren’t my husband and I know you’ve only just met me, but I… I’m afraid to be alone right now,” She admitted to him softly. Her time on the Simulant ship had really done a number on her. “Please?”

He could hear the desperation and fear in her voice. It was something he knew well himself. “I’ll stay,” He decided.

Rachel lay down on the bed and patted the place next to her. She pulled up the covers around her as Rimmer sat on the bed with her. He lay down next to her. “Thank you, Arn,” She said to him softly. Being that close to him allowed the tension she’d been feeling to fade away. She fell asleep, feeling safe enough to do so without being on edge. 

Rimmer stayed next to her, wondering how on IO he’d managed to get himself into this. He didn’t quite know what to do. Should he take a nap as well? Sneak out while she was sleeping? No, at least that didn’t seem right to him, not with how desperately she’d asked him to stay. Before he could contemplate it further, the sleeping young woman snuggled up to him in her sleep, wrapping an arm around him. He supposed he hadn’t slept well the night before anyway. A good nap might do him well to wrap his head around this new development. 

That was where Kryten found the two of them a few hours later. He’d allowed himself into the young woman’s sleeping quarters because it was time for yet another vitamin booster and for her to eat something. He was worried that she was malnourished and that she needed to get her weight up. What he saw when he walked into the room with the tray was something he’d never seen before. There on the bed lay Mr. Rimmer, completely asleep with his arm draped over the young woman’s waist, keeping her close. The pair looked content and Kryten had never seen Rimmer look so… peaceful. He almost thought twice about waking them… _almost_. 

“Ahem!” Kryten cleared his throat as he put the metal tray on the table in the room. 

Rachel sat up like a shot and she looked around the room wildly. Her heart was nearly pounding out of her chest. Rimmer, for his part, was startled by the sudden movement of his companion and nearly fell out of the bed himself. 

“I didn't mean to startle you, Ma’am,” Kryten apologized, looking guilty.

“Didn't mean to startle?” Rimmer questioned with a sneer. “What else could you have been doing with that smegging tray? Auditioning for a community theatre cast of _Stomp_!?” 

“I’m sorry, Sir. It is time for Mrs. Rimmer’s supper and medications,” He explained to the pair. 

The initial panic had worn off and Rachel seemed a little more relaxed, especially since Arnold was still there by her side. 

“It’s alright,” She assured. “Thank you very much for bringing it to me,” She said to Kryten. 

The mechanoid looked bashful at that. “No thanks needed, Ma’am,” He said to her. 

“Alright… alright, get on with it, will you?” Rimmer suggested a little impatiently. Rachel reached over and placed a hand on his. 

“Of course, Sir,” Kryten said, taking the syringe to give the young lady the vitamin booster shot. “This should only sting a bit, Ma’am,” He explained to her before injecting her with it. He disposed of the syringe and then went over to the tray again, bringing her some water and a few pills. “I should suggest that you also take these and then get some food in you, Ma’am. If what I brought isn't to your liking, I can make you something else,” He offered her. 

“No, it’s fine,” Rachel told him with a smile. She took the pills he’d provided. “The food smells delicious. Thank you, Kryten?” She sounded a little unsure of his name. 

“You are correct, Ma’am and most welcome,” The mechanoid said to her cheerily. “I’ll come back later to collect your tray,” He said to her. 

“That will be all, Kryten,” Rimmer told him, wanting Rachel to have the chance to eat while whatever it was was still hot. He knew how Kryten could ramble on and on. 

“Yes, Mr. Rimmer, Sir,” Kryten said to him before making his exit out the door. It closed again behind him. 

“Smegging metal git,” Rimmer muttered after he was gone. 

“It seems like he meant well,” Rachel commented to him as she got out of the bed to walk over to the table with the tray of food on it. She sat down in one of the chairs and Rimmer got up and joined her, sitting in the other chair there at the table. He lifted the metal domed lid from the tray for her and nudged the food in front of her. 

“It does smell good,” Rimmer had to admit.

“Would you like some?” She offered.

“I don’t actually need to eat,” He reminded her. 

“Oh… right. I’d forgotten,” She told him. It was so easy to forget that he was a hologram even with the H on his forehead. He was just so real. She began to eat and the pair carried on a light conversation as she did. Maybe he wasn't her Arnold, but he was a spectacular simulation.


	3. There's A Saying Old

The next morning, Lister woke up in his bunk and stretched as he heard the doors opening to the room. He hopped out, though not quite as energetically as he used to. He glanced to the bottom bunk and found that the hologram wasn’t there, but instead coming through the door. 

“You just getting in, man?” The Scouser asked him. 

“Yes, if you must know, Listy.” 

“How’s Rachel?” 

Rimmer had to remind himself that he was speaking of the woman in the other room and not his deflated doll in storage. “She’s… as well as could be expected, I suppose.” 

“Did ya talk about what happened? With her Red Dwarf, I mean?” Lister asked him curiously.

“What do you mean?” 

“Why she was out on Starbug instead of on the ship,” Lister continued. “And why’d she have all your stuff on Starbug?” 

“I don’t know. It’s not like we talked much--” 

“Rimmer! You _didn’t_...”

It took a few second to dawn on him what his bunkmate was implying. 

“No! I’m a bastard, but not a complete and utter bastard,” Rimmer told him with a frown. Of course he hadn’t taken advantage of her. He still maintained that Yvonne McGruder had been completely in control after her concussion. He wasn’t going to pressure a still healing and grieving woman into sex. “She was sleeping much of the time. She just didn’t want to be alone.”

“Can’t say that I blame her after being stuck on that Simulant ship,” Lister said, shaking his head. “It’s hard to tell what those things did to her there.”

“From what little I was able to gather, it wasn’t a pleasure cruise,” Rimmer said grimly. He knew from their previous encounters with the crazed androids that the young woman was lucky enough to be alive after enduring such a time with them. He knew a thing or two about captivity – having himself spent 600 years imprisoned by his clones on Rimmerworld. Still, they had mostly left him forgotten after a while and the real torture had been the loneliness. 

“You’ve told her she can stay, haven’t you?” Lister asked him, pulling him away from his thoughts. 

“Hmm? No, I suppose I haven’t,” He realized. “I think perhaps she just assumed we would allow it though.” 

“Kryten seemed pleased he’d have more laundry to be doing. Y’know, I don’t understand why he’s taking to her like he never did with Kris,” He mentioned. 

“Well, she’s injured for one thing. You know what an annoying mother hen Kryten can be,” Rimmer explained. “And Rachel’s not a threat.” 

“A threat to what?” Lister seemed completely oblivious.

Rimmer gave him a look at that. “Have you really never noticed, Listy?” He asked his bunkmate. “Kryten never got on with Kochanski because he thought she’d monopolize your time. He was jealous.” 

“Well… yeah, but I thought we worked that out,” Lister said with a shrug. It had been years ago. “Besides, it seems like this Rachel might take up a decent amount of your time..” He paused. “Actually, that might not be so bad for the rest of us.” 

“Ha. Ha,” Rimmer said dryly. “You think you’re so funny, Lister--”

“I was being serious,” The Scouser insisted. “Maybe having her around will do you some good.” 

“She seems to have it in her mind that her Arnold is like me,” Rimmer mentioned to him, cautiously broaching the subject. “Or rather, that I’m like him.”

“Ya mean he’s not like Ace? He was just a smeghead like you?” Lister asked, pausing for a moment in thought. “What’s the problem then? You do realize what’s going on here, man? We may have just found the only woman in any universe that can put up with ya.” 

Rimmer frowned at that. “The _problem_ is, _miladdo_ , that she’s bound to be disappointed. So what if he was just like me? He was younger and alive. It’s not like I’d be able to offer her much of a future. I’m a hologram! We couldn’t have children and we’re 3 million years into deep space!” 

“Three million years?” Rachel asked from the doorway, having caught the last bit of the conversation. She was freshly showered and dressed in some of her casual wear. She was feeling much better after getting such a good night’s rest with him by her side. “I don’t mean to interrupt but did you actually say _three million years_?” 

“She doesn’t know?” Lister asked with a look to Rimmer.

For his part, Rimmer looked a little flustered. “It hadn’t come up!” He insisted defensively. 

“How the smeg are we three million years into deep space?” She asked them again. 

“There was a radiation leak…” Lister began to explain, as he motioned her to sit at the table. This would take a while. Between the two bunkmates, they explained their adventures in deep space to her. Rimmer didn’t think it would be beneficial to her to tell her about their encounters with Ace or his time as him, so he glossed over the fact that he’d left for a while and that he’d returned and convinced the revived nano-version of himself to take his place as Ace. It was too soon to tell her, especially considering what the simulants had done to her because of Ace’s actions against them. He was relieved when Lister didn’t make a point to tell her any of it either. It was best she didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to get out another short chapter!


	4. I'm A Little Lamb Who's Lost In The Wood

At the end of their tale, Rachel sat there, processing all of the information. 3 million years and some change into deep space and it was likely that she and Lister were the only human beings alive – save for possibly Kochanski, who was somewhere on her own. 

“I suppose I should probably tell you what happened with my ship,” She said to the pair, knowing she owed them that much after they’d shared so much with her.

“Y’owwwwww!” Cat said as he boogied into the room. “What’s happenin’ Buds?” 

“Rachel was just about to tell us what happened to her ship,” Lister explained, motioning for him to take a seat.

“Yes, anyway… so Arnie and I were--”

“Ma’am!” Kryten interrupted as he entered the room pushing a cart that had several trays on it. “There you are! You weren’t in your quarters. I have breakfast for you and Mister Lister and the Cat as well as some medications and another vitamin booster,” He explained. 

“She was just about to tell us what happened to her ship, you smegging metal gimboid,” Rimmer said with a frown. 

“Oh! I’m terribly sorry for interrupting, Ma’am!” Kryten said, looking distressed. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your story. Please, forgive me.” 

“It’s quite alright,” Rachel assured him with a kind smile. 

“But I interrupted you!” Kryten whined, his voice getting higher and higher. 

“Oh, pull it together man,” Rimmer snapped at him. “Just give her the vitamin booster and sit down so she can get on with her story.” 

“Yes, of course, Mr. Rimmer, Sir,” Kryten said, moving to do just that. He administered the vitamin booster shot and doled out the breakfasts and medication. Once all of that business was finished, Rachel was finally able to continue. 

“Arnie and I were getting ready for planet leave. Dave had gotten us a cat as a wedding present – Arnie had wanted to name her Napoleon, but we settled on Bonaparte, so that I could call her Bonnie,” She admitted. “Dave said that we should have her as sort of practice. He said that if Arn could handle raising a cat without screwing it up, he’d someday be able to raise a family,” She said with a smirk. “Well… he said something along those lines at least.” Lister’s words might have been a little more colorful, but the gist was there all the same. 

“Wait, you’re telling me that the Holy Mother was named Bonaparte?” Cat asked with a frown. “And that she was yours and goal-post head’s?” He shuddered at the thought. 

“Just think… in her universe, you’re probably running around wearing military uniforms and your god was probably Rye-mirror the Smeg-head,” Lister said with a chuckle. 

“I would think it’d be a step up from Cloister the Stupid,” Rimmer commented. 

Lister rolled his eyes. “So what then? Did you get stuck in stasis for hiding the cat?” Lister asked her, figuring they’d ought to get the story back on track. 

“No, actually. The Captain found out about Bonnie and Dave hid her and took the blame and got placed in stasis,” She admitted. “We were going to smuggle her off the ship while we were on planet leave. We were going to get one of my friends back on Callisto to take care of her and her kittens while we completed the rest of the mission. I was finishing packing up Starbug. Holly was going to autopilot us to Callisto and we’d be back after a week, you see. I had asked Arnie to go fetch Bonnie from where Lister had hid her in the cargo hold,” She admitted. “He said he’d be back lickety split,” She looked away at that, trying to keep her composure. 

“On his way to the hold, Todhunter found him and requested that he repair a broken drive plate before he went on his leave. Arnie was never one to turn down an opportunity to try to impress a commanding officer, so of course he jumped at the chance. Holly told me that he might be a little while longer so I was waiting inside Starbug. It was nearly an hour later and the emergency doors suddenly closed off to the bay and Holly brought up the live feed from the Captain’s office. Arnie was there, being reprimanded for the drive plate failure all the while the radiation leak was about to kill them. I watched them die. I watched them all die,” Rachel said softly, a few tears falling from her eyes. “And there was nothing I could do. Arnie’s last words were ‘gazpacho soup’ and I knew it was his way of telling me that he loved me one last time.

“Holly had sealed me in and he’d gotten the cargo hold sealed off as well before the radiation hit the rest of the ship. For two days I just sat there in shock. Finally Holly took action. He knew I couldn’t stay there. I didn’t have enough supplies on board Starbug or there in the landing bay. I begged him to just let me die with the rest of them, but he was having none of it.

“On our ship, George McIntyre was a hologram. Holly turned him off at his request shortly after the radiation leak. I could have brought someone back. Holly kept offering to bring back Arnie, but I couldn’t do that to him. I wouldn’t have been able to sustain him for long after we left Red Dwarf and I… I just couldn’t lose him again,” She said softly.

“Hey, we’ve tried to lose him _plenty_ of times,” Cat told her. “Somehow he just keeps coming back.” 

Rimmer shot him a look across the table, but the comment did make Rachel smile a little. 

“Well, that’s something to take comfort in then,” Rachel said, placing a hand on Rimmer’s. Surprisingly, the hologram didn’t pull away from her touch or seem too uncomfortable with it. She was quiet for a few moments before carrying on with her tale. “On the third day after the radiation leak, Holly piloted Starbug away from Red Dwarf. He was supposed to get me to the nearest planet, which was another three days away, but there was something wrong. It was like this… thing just appeared out of nowhere, sucking us in,” She told them. 

“Was it a kind of yellow whirly thing?” Cat questioned. “Or a white whirly thing? Or maybe--”

“It was probably a dimension rift,” Rimmer said, cutting off what he thought was certainly going to be another riveting description. He’d familiarized himself with a few things during his time as Ace. All four of them turned their gaze to him, surprised that he was so certain of what she’d encountered. “I’m sorry, do I need to explain? It’s the _white_ whirly thing,” He said slowly, so that they could understand. Still, the other four were quiet. “What? _I know things_ ,” Rimmer insisted with a huff. 

Lister shook his head. “How long were you out there before the simulants found you?” He asked Rachel. 

“About a week, I think,” She admitted. “Holly would have the exact day. I wasn’t really in the best state of mind then. I was so angry with Holly for not allowing me to die in the radiation leak that he decided to change his appearance so that I might talk to him again,” She told them.

“Of course!” Kryten stated. “That’s why the Holly we found on your ship was a female. Ours went through a similar change for a time,” He explained to her. 

“It did the trick. I was able to at least talk to her for a bit before the simulants lured us into docking on their ship,” She told them. “And that’s where I was until you lot found me. All in all, I’d say if I had to guess, it’s been several months since the radiation leak. It’s all still very fresh and raw,” She knew that the simulants had kept her for quite a while. 

“Well, you’ve got us now,” Rimmer told her, keeping hold of her hand. “You’re welcome to make this your home and in return, we’ll ensure your safety. We won’t allow those simulant scum to harm you again.” 

“And just what are you gonna do to protect her, non-bud?” Cat asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “You gonna show her all your hiding places?” 

Rimmer’s patience was wearing thin and he was getting more annoyed by the Cat with every word. “Should it ever come to it, we’ll protect her,” He stated again, this time through gritted teeth. No, he didn’t have a clue as to how, but they’d give it a shot. 

“I’m staying,” Rachel told them all. “So long as you’ll have me. I don’t think I could bear to be out there alone.” 

“Then it’s settled,” Lister said to her. He got up and went over to his fridge, pulling out cans of lager. He took them over to the table and handed them out to each of them.

“Lager with breakfast?” She asked curiously. 

“Yeah, bud… this can clashes with my suit. You got anything in violet or maroon?” Cat asked him, staring disdainfully at the can before him.

“Just drink it. A toast with our toast,” Lister insisted, popping the top on his lager. “To our latest crew member Rachel,” He said, holding up the can. “Now you’re one of us,” He said. 

“Really? That was your big speech?” Rimmer criticized. 

“Just shut up and drink it, will ya?” The Scouser insisted with an eyeroll. The group clinked their cans together and each drank some of their lager with breakfast. Rimmer kept stealing glances over to Rachel during the meal, wanting to be sure she was eating enough and not guzzling the lager, especially with whatever medications Kryten had her on. He was worried about her, especially after all she had told them. He was beginning to really believe her feelings for him – or at least for her Arnold J. Rimmer were genuine.


	5. I Know I Could Always Be Good

The next few weeks had passed without much incident and the ragtag team were falling into their own routines. More often than not, Rachel and Rimmer were sharing a bed, whether it be hers or his. Neither of them had discussed it with the others or really even with one another. It had just simply happened without any fanfare and thankfully no one had made any comments to them about it. A lot of their seemingly budding relationship had been like that - not-so-subtle glances to one another, hand holding and general closeness that seemed out of place to anyone that knew Rimmer. It wasn’t just the differences _with_ Rachel, but _because of her_ as well. Arnold J. Rimmer seemed happier. No, he didn’t just seem happier, he _was_ happier. And because of that happiness, the others had certainly taken notice. He wasn’t quite as smeggy as he usually was, although that wasn’t to say he’d changed drastically either. He was still very capable of being a right goit when he wanted to be. It just seemed being in some sort of relationship mellowed him a bit. 

“Why is it that anytime we find a babe, she’s only interested in goal-post head?” Cat complained to Lister as the pair were playing cards at the table in the bunkroom. 

“What about your lady cats on Z deck?” Lister asked him, still going along with the charade for the Cat’s sake. “Do ya think they fancy Rimmer too?” 

“Of course not! They have a more sophisticated taste,” He insisted, smoothing out the lapels of his bright sequined blazer. 

“Sure man,” Lister said, placating him. “And what about Kochanski? She didn’t fancy him either,” He reminded him. 

“Bud-Babe didn’t like any of us,” Cat said with a frown. 

“Ah! Gentlemen! Good morning,” Rimmer said, walking into the room with a spring in his step. 

"Morning, man," Lister said to him. "You seem pretty chipper this morning." 

"What's not to be happy about, Listy? The sun is shining. The birds are singing--" 

"Rimmer, we're in the middle of deep space. Absolutely _none_ of those things are happening." 

"Well, it might be happening somewhere," Rimmer defended.

Cat rolled his eyes. "Where's your better half?" 

"She's packing. I've decided to take her on a holiday through the diesel decks," Rimmer said.

"The diesel decks? You're taking her backpacking through the _diesel decks_?" Lister asked with disgust evident in his voice.

"What's wrong with the diesel decks? I think that's a lovely place to holiday," Rimmer defended. 

"Yeah, if you wanna bore her to death," Lister told him. "Besides, you always take all your holidays on the diesel decks. What's so fascinating?" 

"If the slides were any indication, I'd say nothing," Cat chimed in. 

Rimmer frowned and crossed his arms. "I'll have you know that there's plenty to see on the diesel decks."

"Sure man," Lister said, not believing him at all. "Look, why don't you take her someplace nice? There's the officer's club or Parrot's or that karaoke bar on C Deck," He listed off. "You could even take her to the Caligula Suite and spend some time in the hot tub. I could think of a million better places to take her on this ship than the _diesel decks_. I'm just trying to help you out, man," Lister insisted. 

"You help me? You haven't had a proper date in years!" 

"Neither have you," Lister reminded him with a look. "But before all that, I've had a lot more experience than you," He told him. "Trust me when I tell ya that no woman wants to take a vacation on the diesel decks. _Ever._ But especially not after all she's been through. Has she even been cleared by the medi-scan for a trip like that?" Lister asked. 

"She seems to be doing better..." Rimmer said, but he hadn't taken her health into consideration when making his plans for the getaway. "You really think she's not well enough?" 

"If what she went through with the simulants wasn't torture enough, I think the diesel decks might just finish her off," Cat said, agreeing with Lister. 

"Alright, alright," Rimmer begrudgingly agreed. "So what am I supposed to do? Where can I take her? She's packing a bag now and I promised her a holiday," Rimmer admitted. 

"But you didn't tell her where?" Lister asked him, just to be sure and Rimmer shook his head. "Good. We'll get Kryten and the Skutters and see if they'll help get the penthouse suite ready," Lister suggested. 

" _We_?" Cat asked. "I've got things to do, Buddy. You're on your own." 

"Like what, then?" Lister asked him, knowing all too well that there was nothing that the Cat had to do.

"I've..." The Cat paused, trying to think of some sort of excuse. "Got to reorganize my suits," He decided on. 

"You're helping," He told him. "C'mon. It won't take long if we all work together." 

"Since when do you want to help out goal-post head anyway?" Cat asked with a frown. Lister looked over to Rimmer, who seemed to be just as interested in his answer. 

"Since I'd rather see slides from the observation deck and penthouse suite than the diesel decks again," Lister said without missing a beat. While it was true, he also didn't want Rimmer to blow it with Rachel. He could see Rimmer was trying and he thought that he just needed a little nudge in the right direction to keep all of them happy. 

"It is the nicest place on the ship," Rimmer agreed. "You'll really get it ready?" He asked hopefully.

"Yeah man. Just give us a couple of hours," Lister assured him. "We'll set everything up." He figured it needed a bit of cleaning up after years of disuse. He stood up to go get Kryten. "C'mon," He said to the Cat, who begrudgingly followed. Helping now was worth not seeing those boring slides later, he had decided. "Oh and Rimmer?" 

"Yes?" 

"Make sure she packs something nice. I've got a plan," Lister assured with a smile.


End file.
